Releasing my past wounds... and truly loving myself...

 

Loving myself and what stops me…

My grand daughter and I painted this ‘intuitive painting’ last week… We were both not sure what it was about, we only knew that we were to let others know about ‘loving self’… of how important it is…to be happy for yourself, have joy in your life, know that nothing has to be perfect, trust the voice of your soul, be calm and at peace and care for others who come along on your life’s journey…

For the past 20 years I have guided myself and others in ‘intuitive painting’.  Being a visual person, it is something physical that represents ‘self empowerment’… ‘loving self’… ‘tools of awakening’… as it is a way, completely free of any method or programme made by ‘somebody else’  that allows you to grow, awaken and love yourself… in your way with your own terms and conditions…  ‘Intuitive Painting’ is an expression of your soul and spirit essence, the part of you that is eternal, ever-loving and divine intelligence itself… that occupies your body for a human experience here on Earth…  When you don't hear the message of your painting, it is wise to pay close attention to what is happening in your life and what you are experiencing… 

My Story...

For the last 10 years, I have been experiencing unpleasant physical affects from my menopause and the ‘timely’ shock of Tom’s life threatening heart attack, that actually didn’t register for many months as my body had gone on to function on ‘autopilot’.  Only after my ear began to crack and felt sore and my scalp developed patches of very dry and sore skin did my body start feeling uncomfortable and I knew that something wanted to be released…  but what…

It was taking its time and I didn’t really understand it all, just from what I read in books…  I tried drinking the disgusting and time-consuming Chinese herb teas and natural ointments, but the only thing that worked, or at least covered up the cause was cortisone… so when I couldn’t handle the soreness, I applied it and it disappeared for a while…  When I travelled, I always packed a small tube of this ointment, but arriving in Florida this time, I found I hadn’t… 

Oh dear…  I was having another attack, but not on my scalp or behind my ear anymore.. it was out in full force… on my face… DRY, RED and SORE… my eyelids were puffed up and felt as if they were splitting open, my lips too… (These two parts of the body are actually the thinnest and I knew I was deeply dehydrated too… I had been in a hotel room with central heating and a pressurised airplane for the last 36 hours.  so I drank lots of liquid, herb teas, water, coconut juice…for the electrolytes and minerals)

So what was happening to me?  Panic… panic… help me…  In fact my first concern was what others would think of my red sore and puffed up face… about me looking like a freak… of course my near and dear ones wonder what was happening… and wanted to help…  (maybe telling me to go to the doctor… which I just knew wasn’t the right thing for me to do)…but really I didn’t want to be reminded of my angry looking face and being anything less than perfect…  What I needed was some time for myself to find out what was going on with Barbara…  I went for my daily run along the beach and cried out for help…  for someone out there to guide me…  I got back home and laid on my bed feeling awful, ugly and unloved…I wrote an email to a friend to ask for help and I called out to Adamas to guide me through healing myself…

I was so much in panic, I had forgotten all my own healing knowledge…  that nothing out there could help me… that all healing power was within me… and that I could trust that I had already set up everything in be in my life that I would need…

I started some deep breathing to relax myself, breathing in and out slowly and I felt more peaceful and remembered that I had a Dreamwalk from Adamas, on healing emotional wounds… So I drank some water, put some natural moisture cream on my face and listened to his Dreamwalk for the second time in a few days…

I visited a very deep place inside myself, a psychic place that all my past emotional wounds were held… wounds from this life and from other lives my soul had lived.  I saw how deeply red and wounded the place was and as I floated around, feeling into it all, I felt how deep and raw my anger was… being stuck, being ignored, being alone, being unworthy, being abused, being bullied, being treated unfair and cruel…  All my wounds and hurts were traumatic events playing over and over, screaming and crying out for help… After a while, I was asked to rub off the remnants of these events with my ‘energy’ hand and literally lots of layers flaked away, revealing shining crystals underneath…  then I was asked to look at a recent event, a wound about not loving myself, of not knowing how to and the searching for ways to love myself… and placing my hand deep inside this wound and feeling what was underneath…

It was indeed the element of LOVE… a seed of LOVE that is present within everything… within everyone… My wounds, my trauma and drama had kept it hidden from me… but my deep desire to love myself truly and unconditionally, had made it possible for me to become aware of the hiding place… right under my nose… and set myself free…

Now I had it in my hands, this element of LOVING MYSELF and I brought it back with me from the darkness to the present moment…  I had released it from the earthly bonds of conflict… and was there for me now to FEEL it… to be it… LOVE… 

My grandson had recently began to repeat to everyone ‘you hurt me’… and I believe this was his way of trying to tell us all to look at what we continue to do to  ourself and each other… hurting, instead of focusing on the care and love that is the underlying element of everything…

Leaving all my wounds, anger and feelings of being unloved… unhealed… I now understood that I reacted by hurting others… but ultimately I hurt myself, as I was my very own grand judge and jury, feeling guilty and shameful of my behaviour and condemned myself away into dark dungeons…  I had repeated this pattern of hurt until now… until becoming aware of the element of love, that no matter how small or how abusive a situation, a seed of LOVE awaits consciousness to become aware of it… to see it, own it and nurture it… 

And so now, as I journey on, experiencing LOVE, being conscious of LOVE in everything and everyone….  I can create a wonderful LOVE STORY for myself, allowing myself to love me just the way I am…more and more…

When I look at my painting now I have a very clear awareness of the message my soul was singing to me…  Deep red angry wounds were surrounding my space, holding me prisoner and keeping me from my FREEDOM… 

Now I feel free… relieved… since the meditation my soreness has gone and my face recovers slowly day by day… the full moon that appeared this last week was helping me (pull out)  and release all my past wounds…  I feel refreshed and I AM bubbling up with an aha moment… finally I feel it, I get it… LOVE… it’s always there… I AM LOVE…

Thank you again Adamas for your Dreamwalk... (from www.CrimsonCircle.com)… 

I’ve read many books where it says ‘you can handle what happens in your life’…  and I’ve repeated this to people who are experiencing challenging emotional, mental and physical irritation, hurt and pain…  I haven’t really been able to answer the person’s reply though… when they say ‘you wouldn’t say that if you were in my shoes’ or how about a little compassion…  until now…

When I realise very well that the saying means literally that… each person can handle what happens in their life and not the life of another person… we all have our ‘unique’ life to experience and focus on, instead of comparing and judging ourself with the life of another… We can be there for each other, just radiating our love out, compassionately… nothing else is necessary… LOVE is all you need..

Finding the time to love yourself, to do nice things, relax, eat and drink good food… living in the present moment and knowing that everything is perfectly good as it is… that all experience holds a seed of love… no matter what we experience… is all a part of life to help us remember that we are indeed love, part of the universal IAM…  GOD is LOVE and IAM GOD TOO…

When we are aware of the love that we are, through and through, we can release all our wounds, revealing the crystalline part of ourself …  the pure unconditional love that our body consciousness is (body, mind and spirit), intelligence itself, wise, connected to everything… it is this love that embodies the human physical body to live its life as a creator…

The wounds that we accumulate when we allow ourself to experience everything… playing many roles as victims and aggressors and go through the emotions and feelings of being hurt and hurting others and being happy and making others happy…

Barbara Franken... Inspiring New Energy Consciousness...